"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." ~ Wayne Gretzy
One day when I was in physical therapy school, my class took a trip to Blythedale Children's hospital in Valhalla, NY. We broke up into groups and were assigned to observe various children. My particular group sat with a young child of about two years of age. He had a diagnosis of agenesis of the corpus callosum, which means that the bridge connecting the right and left hemispheres of his brain was not properly developed.
After our morning of observation, the class gathered in the parking lot to discuss the child whom my group had observed. She asked us what we thought the future held for this kid. A few of us ventured forth with some answers, but were chagrinned to hear the professor offer her own grim analysis. I remember experiencing a sense of helplessness hearing her words. I'm sure many of my classmates were feeling the same way.
A few years later, I bumped into a former classmate of mine at a New York Board of Education event. I was pretty shocked to hear what he had to say as we caught up.
"Do you remember the child at Blythedale who we discussed afterwards? Remember how little our teacher expected of his future? Well, I'm working with him now. He's walking with assistance, speaking, and doing several other things that we were told he'd never do. It's pretty amazing."
What resonated with me after my conversation with this classmate was how a negative prognosis could have hindered this child's progress. But somehow, despite the opinion of our experienced professor, he was able to achieve. Would not and could not had turned into can and does.
A couple of years ago, I had a patient who wore a similar yoke of negativity around her neck as she struggled with a "bad" back. Just the term "bad back" alone had this early 40's patient believing that her body had betrayed her for life. As I worked with her for the fist couple of weeks, I'd often hear the refrain, "My former therapist told me I can't do that." Or, "My other PT told me that that will hurt me." She had built up a wall of negativity and fear that was preventing her from making any progress. She had allowed her current condition to completely dominate her, rather than finding a way to positively effect her own well-being.
My cousin John Leder and his wife Emily are two fantastic parents to their 5 year-old twin boys, Owen and Charlie and 2 year-old Maeve. When the twins were born, Owen developed complications. John and Emily were told that Owen would be deaf, mute, and likely non-communicative due to his brain injury. They were told that he would have spastic quadriplegia which would require him to be strapped into a wheelchair to prevent his limbs from flailing. Potentially devastating news for newly minted parents.
My Des Moines cousins were unbowed. Over the past five years, I've witnessed from afar via video and email updates as Owen broke through barrier after barrier. Here is a clip of Owen graduating from preschool with Charlie, where he says that he wants to be a doctor one day:
Here is one of Owen playing soccer:
Had John and Emily listened to the can nots, will nots and never wills, perhaps they wouldn't have engaged Owen in all of his therapies and activities. Perhaps they would have let him fulfill the low expectations set by the "experts" by simply keeping him "strapped" into a chair. But they didn't. They want Owen to do everything his brother Charlie does. Whether he does remains to be seen. But his parents are giving him the opportunity, which is all that matters.
I am not naive to think that by simply willing and wishing something, it will come to fruition. What I am suggesting is that by planting seeds of doubt and negativity, you'll surely limit your opportunities for progress and success.
Stop listening to all the "can nots" and ask "why not?" instead.
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